Today I want to talk about why the articles you read, the people you hang out with, and the media you consume directly shapes your life, for better or worse (and how you organize your environment to create your best life possible).
It was Fall of 1997, and my oldest brother was finishing up applications to a couple colleges.
I didn’t know much about them, except that they were military schools. I knew even less what that meant, but I was curious like a cat. So when my brother was invited to spend a couple days at West Point, NY, I tagged along.
So my dad, my oldest brother and I took a plane (my first plane ride ever!) to New York.
I spent a couple days walking around the most bizarre place I’d ever been to in my life: everyone dressed up like they were in a perpetual state of groundhogs day from 1850; students were always in a hurry, running from barracks room to classroom to everywhere in between (and they’d get yelled at if they weren’t doing it fast enough); and after classes, they’d have to walk in formations with their rifles for hours, or play some kind of sport (intramural or core/club squad sports were mandatory for all cadets).
It looked demanding. It looked uncompromising. It looked hard as hell.
I was hooked. I wanted in.
And so it happened that a rotund 11 year old set his sights on gaining acceptance into the United States Military Academy at West Point.
7 years later, I got accepted.
All freshmen had to – it was mandatory.
While most people looked at it like a haze (and it certainly was that), I loved it.
There was something about the adrenaline I got from entering the ring, the surge of excitement I got from standing toe to toe with a competitor with nothing but my fists to protect me, and the raw intensity of dishing out (or the threat of receiving receiving) a beating…I couldn’t shake it. I had to get better; I had to keep fighting; I had to make the team.
So a scrawny 18 year old set his sights on competing for a spot on a nationally ranked boxing team.
A year later, I made the team.
As a logistics guy, I figured I’d do some “Fobbit” job (forward operating base + hobbit…get it?).
Maybe I’d coordinate some transportation movements. I’d probably do a lot of paperwork. I’m sure there would be some danger, but mostly I’d be safe.
At the end of the day, I figured it would be a really long, hot, boring experience.
When I got on ground, our Battalion was responsible for not only the logistics of the Brigade, but making sure those supplies got where they needed to go safely. This meant securing the convoys that went out every night.
I immediately volunteered to stand up and lead the convoy security platoon.
Over a hundred missions later, and after getting called a “cowboy” more than once, my gun truck platoon of cooks, drivers and warehouse workers returned home without a single combat related casualty (for the record, I think this had more to do with luck / Divine Providence / the Soldiers I worked with than my own skills).
I share these stories to point out that it's easy to make any story into a story of "success."
But the reality is, these events weren't successes. They were just moments in time where I took responsibility, and then I did the work.
I spent thousands of hours hustling academics, sports and extracurricular leadership activities to get into the Academy (not to mention another 4 years hustling to survive and graduate the Academy on time). I got battered and bruised competing for a spot on the boxing team (and took my fare share of blows trying to keep my position on the team). In Iraq, I rode outside the wire almost every night of the week. My brain was in a perpetual state of alert, practicing in my mind what would happen if one (or many) of my vehicles got hit by IEDs, and how I and the rest of my crew would respond. It was exhausting.
This is the reality of victory. It’s also the reality of failure. And it’s most certainly the reality of life.
Life is hard.
We all experience our fair share of bruises, setbacks and failures.
The question isn’t: how do we avoid these trials and tribulations – how do we avoid the pain? That’s foolish and naïve (not to mention impossible).
The question is: how do you overcome the struggles you will inevitably face? How do you push through fear, pain and uncertainty? How do you conquer your wolf?
But most importantly, how do we do all of these things in order to create and live the life we want to live.
There are 2 techniques I personally used (and continue to use) that helped me get through the darkest, most painful parts of my life.
They may or may not apply to you, but for what it’s worth, here they are:
When I set a goal, I etch it into my brain (a lot like Edmond Dantes etched words of encouragement into his cell wall). There is no other option than achieving what I set out to achieve (or die trying).
No, this is not always pleasant. Yes, sometimes I commit to the wrong things and regret the decision.
Inevitably, however, I make it to the end (bruised and battered, maybe, but still standing).
It’s not a technique for everyone, but if you must achieve something, I highly recommend it…
This is essentially an extension of the first technique, but it’s so important it deserves individual attention.
The person who sets a goal but doesn’t change his behavior is done before he starts.
Setting a goal, by its nature, REQUIRES change. And it requires the right sort of change if we hope to find success. But to create the right kind of change, we need to immerse ourselves into the subject/topic/activity we hope to achieve success in.
Just like the fastest way to learn a new language is through immersion into the environment and culture of the language you want to learn, the fastest way to achieve a goal is through immersing yourself into the goal itself.
I immersed myself in the application process for West Point by reading books, strategically creating my resume, and learning from cadets who had recently been accepted. I immersed myself in the boxing world by jump-roping every morning, hitting the heavy-bag every night, and by watching “Gladiator” way too many times. When I became the Battalion’s Convoy Security Platoon Leader, I immersed myself in small unit tactics, mobilized and dismounted infantry strategies, and enemy techniques.
At the end of the day, immersion, more than anything else, helped me achieve my goals by forcing me to live and act as the person I hoped to become.
“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” - James Allen
If you’re hoping to find success in any endeavor, the right mindset will be your greatest ally.
Conversely, the wrong mindset will be your greatest enemy.
Changing your mindset takes unreasonable commitment and immersion into the philosophy you want to live.
Which is why it’s essential you:
For the former: this isn’t something I can help you with directly. You decide the people you let into (and keep out of) your life. If you’re not sure who to keep in your life and who to avoid, my best advice: examine their character.
As for the latter, well, that’s the point of this blog, my books and my podcast: to immerse you in a mindset that could change your life for the better.
A few weeks ago someone expressed interest in having other ways to consume the material I create, in particular, by recording audio versions of my articles. I
figured I’d give it a shot, so here it is.
Below (or by clicking the image to the left) you’ll find my first ever Resistance Broadcast Audio Session’s CD. I took 8 of my favorite articles and recorded them into high quality MP3’s you can listen to on your phone, MP3 player, computer, or burn to disk and listen to them in your car or on your boombox at the beach.
Grab Your Copy of The Resistance Broadcast Audio Session CD 1 Today By Clicking Here
What's the point of it all?
Simple: to provide you an additional resource to immerse yourself into the right mindset to fight and win your inner creative battles and create your life's work.
Will this single CD change your life?
I doubt it - doing something once rarely changes everything...
But could listening to this CD (and others like it) more than once, reading this blog (and others like it) consistently, and earnestly putting into practice the philosophy you learn in this material change your life?
Without a doubt.
So I hope you enjoy today's article and I sincerely hope The Resistance Broadcast Audio Session CD 1 inspires you to keep going, even when things get difficult.
And things will get difficult...
Good luck and keep fighting.
p.s. the CD is free, so you can't lose 🙂
When starting a new project, you deal with a lot of obstacles.
The web design you outsourced might not function how you wanted, or the first shipment of products come in completely the wrong color or size, or your plans for a successful launch don’t pan out the way you hoped they would…
All of these are difficult to deal with.
They hurt, they're painful, and they disappoint us.
But they won’t break you.
Negative self-talk propaganda, on the other hand, just might.
Negative self-talk propaganda will use these events to make you question yourself, your project, and your resolve. Negative self-talk propaganda will try to break you were you are weakest: from the inside.
The following are 8 fears we all experience on the road to creating something worthwhile...
We’re all scared of not living up to our own expectations; we’re even more terrified by not living up to the expectations of others.
So, we rationalize: If we don’t start, we can’t fail.
The simple solution is to not begin your project and to avoid doing the difficult, creative work of building a business, brand or organization…of course, if that’s your choice, nothing happens.
The possibility of failure is a good thing – it means you’re doing something that matters, something original, something rebellious to the robot factory.
If you’re scared it might not work, good – you’re on the right track.
Worse than the idea of not succeeding is the idea of friends and strangers belittling us for what we’re trying; that because we don’t live up to expectations, we embarrass those with whom we associate (and bring shame on ourselves).
Shame is the greatest weapon of the Enemy and will break you faster than anything else.
Shame is entirely fabricated in our minds. It has no power but what we give it, no legitimacy but what we allow it.
Keep doing the work.
Let’s be honest – anyone trying something new feels like a phony. If you don’t, you’re probably doing something you already know how to do, which means you’re not creating anything new.
Feeling like a phony is a good thing; when you have these thoughts, recognize them as the compass they are – pointing you in the right direction (toward something new).
Keep going.
Creating something from scratch is painful.
It’s never easy.
Sure, there will be moments when we’re in flow and things just click – and, often, the process of creating is a lot of fun – but those are the highlights.
The pain begins when the flow ends and you’re left without inspiration or motivation, and no guarantee it will work. That’s when commitment comes in – if you’re committed, you understand this is part of the process, and you keep creating, no matter how hard it becomes.
Before you start, commit – and recommit every day to doing the important work.
This ties into the threat of shame – every person wants some form of validation and the idea of being hated unanimously terrifies us.
Of course, no one is hated unanimously; there will always be someone who loves what you do and appreciates how you do it.
The fear of being hated is entirely irrational; laugh at it when you start your work today.
Let’s face it, being ignored is more likely what will happen with your project. There are too many choices, too many options, and a limited amount of time for people to make these choices. You’re stuff, whatever it is, competes with the noise of the world.
Attention and trust takes time. So if your stuff is good, stay gritty. If it’s not good, make it great…and then get gritty.
Note: being ignored is one of the greatest assets of the “newbie.”
If you start with peoples trust and attention, you’ll be compelled to keep that trust and attention. Usually, this involves doing whatever created the trust and attention in the first place.
The result? Sameness.
But the “newbie” – he has no fear of doing what’s worked, because nothings worked yet. The “newbie” is really another name for the underdog - the insurgent. The actions of the underdog challenge the status quo; the actions of the insurgent create revolutions.
Don’t worry about being ignored – it’s more likely you'll create a revolution (if your stuff is good enough).
Creating involves some level of introversion. If what we’re doing is brilliant and personal, we need to wrestle with ideas internally. And dealing with things alone is no joke.
It’s difficult to fight a battle by yourself.
Don’t cut yourself off from external help. Don’t let the lonely abyss of creation overwhelm you. The solution is usually just a friendly talk away, or knowing others are in the trenches with you, willing to help you through your difficult times.
Talking out a problem with someone you trust is one of the surest ways to get unstuck. Use this technique freely; use it often.
And after all the pain you’ve gone through, “they” might reject you.
If you expect your next project to be the breakthrough moment – the thing that changes everything so you no longer have to face rejection - I have bad news: this never happens.
The most popular, famous, successful businesses still face rejection. Sure, once you’ve hit a tipping point of fans and support, rejection is less likely because the majority will always mimic the majority (a self-perpetuating cycle), but even great brands, bands, and people fade away if all they do is perpetuate the current cycle.
Continue to challenge everything; continue to create new things; continue to be rejected for your unique work – it means you’re doing something right (and the few who understand your work – the important people – will continue to support you).
---
When you know these 8 fears are just part of the price you pay for attempting something new, different and bold, you can overcome them.
Now that we know what we’re in for, you have two choices:
There’s no reason to start in the first place if you have no intention of finishing (and shipping). And if you don’t think you can deal with the fears above, better to be realistic in the beginning instead of wasting months (years) of time.
Anyone can do it.
Few people choose to.
And that’s entirely on you.
Never fight alone:
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As soon as you choose to create something worthwhile, you take the first step in a long and very real journey…
Like most journeys, it's not always pretty.
Life will try to beat you down and break you if it can.
There will come a time when things are confusing, uncertain, and perilous.
And you WILL face setbacks, challenges, and failure.
Your peers might scorn you, your "tribe" ignore you, and your effort will seem in vain.
The path will be rarely straightforward, the road rarely clear, and the struggle lonely and sometimes desperate.
At times like these, it will make sense to quit.
There's nothing pretty about doing something ambitious or unorthodox.
The journey of creating something worthwhile is messy - it can't be any other way.
The journey itself must be scary, dangerous, and unreasonable - otherwise, there would be no need for courage.
The adventurer recognizes the only paths left to explore are those that are scary, dangerous and unreasonable.
The adventurer understands that the guaranteed and safe path is traveled daily by those of little courage.
But the unknown path - the one that sits beyond the threshold of certainty - is ripe for exploration and for what befalls those brave enough to travel along it.
Your journey is unique.
At times it will be painful; you will doubt yourself and your project, question your ability, and challenge every virtue you thought you possessed.
But while your journey is unique (and the struggle will, at times, seem unbearably lonely), the pain you experience is universal.
Every adventurer sets his own course and travels his own path, but the pain he experiences - the loneliness, confusion, fear and desperation - those are experienced by every adventurer who chooses the unknown path.
But the path is painful for a reason.
Every great adventure ends with an equally great reward: whether it's discovering buried treasure, winning the championship title, or finding your way back home.
The spoils go to the victor, and the victor is always the one who sticks it out to the end.
Having the guts to travel the unknown path, to create something worthwhile, takes courage, boldness and (sometimes) madness.
Like everything worth doing, it won't be easy.
But like every difficult thing worth doing, the spoils go to the adventurer and the adventurer alone.
Have you started on your journey?
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
Join The Resistance, defeat your inner creative Enemy, and create your life's work.
We think pain and pleasure or love and hate are opposites of one another.
We think of these emotions as opposite ends of the spectrum, as if each lies on either side of a single line.
pain --------------------------------- pleasure
love --------------------------------- hate
This couldn't be further from the truth.
In either case, they are simply variations of one another; unique but related; two sides of the same coin.
But they are not opposites.
In both cases, we are experiencing some kind of emotion. Whether you experience pain or pleasure, love or hate, you are still experiencing something. So the opposite of pain isn't pleasure, nor is the opposite of pleasure pain.
The opposite of both is numbness – it is indifference – it is nothing.
When a project breaks, we might experience anger at ourselves because we failed, fear that this case isn't unique and that we might never succeed, or jealousy of others for effortlessly accomplishing that which we suffer for daily to create.
When a goal comes to fruition, we might experience joy in its realization, pride that we have accomplished so much, or gratitude that we were given such an unlikely opportunity, with such an unlikely skill set, in such an unlikely environment, to make our dreams reality.
In either case, we are experiencing the emotions of someone who cares.
If you want to experience the latter, you must be willing to experience the former; that's the price you pay when you care, when you're invested in the outcome, when you're committed. But if you'd prefer to never feel the anger, fear, or jealousy of failure – the pain of failure – then you only have one option: become indifferent.
Stop caring.
Avoid commitment.
Indulge in the emotional morphine of indifference and all the pain goes away; and so does all the pleasure, all the happiness, all the joy.
You can't have one without the other.
That's the paradox; that's the battlefield; that's the choice.
"The opposite of love's indifference." [The Lumineers]
Never fight alone. Join the Resistance:
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Creating anything takes guts; I explained that in depth in my book The Art of Instigating.
It takes guts because you're going to take a hit (no question about it), and taking a hit isn't pleasant.
Nobody WANTS to take a hit.
But the person unwilling to take a hit might as well stay out of the arena.
The boxer not willing to get knocked down shouldn't enter the ring, just like the creator/producer/writer/inventor not willing to fail should avoid creating art.
When you step into the ring - when you enter the arena - you will take a hit.
If you’re not ready to deal with it – to take a hit and to hit back – you’ve lost before you even started.
Most people don’t commit.
Most people don’t go all in.
Most people don’t burn the boat.
As soon as you make up your mind to do all three, you’ve just eliminated 90% of the competition.
Why? Because most people don’t commit, when things get difficult (and they always do), they throw in the towel.
After all, what’s the point of going through the pain of taking another hit when you had no intention of making it to the last round in the first place?
Most people dabble – most people are hobbyists – and when the real pain of creating, building and inventing sets in, they throw in the towel and walk away.
Eventually you’ll get hit.
No matter how good a boxer, no matter how great a writer, designer, builder, entrepreneur or inventor, you will experience rejection, setback and failure.
You can’t avoid taking a hit, but you can train yourself to take a hit (and hit back).
The hobbyist spends his energy trying to avoid taking a hit. When the hit comes (and it always does), he's done.
The hobbyist never commits.
The professional – the person serious about what he's doing – is willing to take a hit and knows how to hit back.
The professional commits.
And because the professional commits, he has very little competition from the hobbyists.
The professional will inevitably find success - he’s in it to the end.
The hobbyist is done before he starts.
Which are you?
"Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain." [Emerson]
Or maybe not.
Maybe that fear never dies.
Action quells fear because it changes our focus.
Instead of experiencing the terror of a hypothetical, negative future, action requires your mind to focus on the present circumstance.
Action shifts our brain from theorizing to creating; from fantasy to tangible reality; from superfluous ideations to the practical manipulation of our environment.
And when we take action on the thing that we fear, we go through this same shift.
But it doesn't destroy fear.
Stop taking action and fear will most certainly return.
Which isn't to suggest mindless action as the solution to conquering your fears.
Any robot can follow rules, stay busy, and avoid the fear of real life.
Nor should you detach yourself in order to avoid fear; the detached person who avoids his emotions altogether isn't enlightened but ignorant of the consequences of his actions.
Because real life is fearful. Living is scary. There are very physical consequences to our action and inaction, and we have to make choices (with physical consequences) daily.
Ignoring this fact doesn't make you immune to this reality.
The truth is, fear, as upsetting as it is to experience, is necessary.
We need fear because we need courage.
The courageous person isn't fearless.
On the contrary, the courageous person experiences fear far more palpably than the coward because he takes action in the face of fear, while the coward avoids it altogether.
The courageous person accepts his own fear and continues to fight; the coward lets someone else fight for him.
The courageous person stares down the Enemy every day and takes action; the coward makes excuses and avoids taking action.
The courageous person does the thing that might fail; the coward sticks to things that work.
Without fear there is no courage.
And without the courage of the few, we'd be left with the status quo of the cowards.
So don't stress if you're working on a project and you're scared to death - it doesn't mean you're cowardly.
If you're terrified, then you're doing something that might fail, that challenges the status quo, that requires courage.
Keep going.
We need you.
This is part 2 of a 3 part series explaining the Enemy (the thing stopping us from creating our epic work). You can read part one here. If you are new, read my new book: The Art of Instigating; this article will make more sense, I promise.
In the first part of this series, I explained the conventional forces of the Enemy: the Army of Bad Habits (the accumulation of years of individual actions, repeated daily and consistently).
Fighting the Army of Bad Habits isn’t easy, but it’s also the simplest to understand and identify.
The unconventional force of the Enemy is much harder to understand and identify.
The Enemy’s unconventional force is one that uses subterfuge to confuse us into giving up on a project right at the start, or bailing on our project near the end.
It gets us when and where we’re weakest.
The Enemy’s unconventional force is negative self-talk propaganda.
“Negative self-talk propaganda is all the terrible, unproductive, fruitless, worthless, silly things we say to ourselves when we’re building something worthwhile.” [Tom’s Blog]
Self-talk originates in the rational part of our brain (the left side of the brain; although exactly where our rational thoughts come from is still being debated and a topic for another post).
These thoughts are negative because they don’t help you create anything.
Negative self-talk propaganda will rationalize why you shouldn't do anything inventive, productive, or creative for as long as you live.
And, in fact, negative self-talk propaganda will try its hardest to out-rationalize your positive, ambitious side by explaining why anything you decide to create will fail; why anything you long to build will just enter the abyss of unsuccessful; why no matter how hard you try, it will all be in vain.
If you’re hoping for a rational reason why you should instigate, you might as well stop looking, stop instigating, and start following orders, instructions, and rules.
There is nothing rational about building your empire or creating something from scratch and without permission (or at least nothing to out-rationalize why you SHOULDN’T do these things).
The negative self-talk propaganda in your head is very, very good at rationalization; its entire existence is based on subterfuge and undermining your productive thoughts.
It’s propaganda because we've learned, over time, what society (school, family, work, etc.) thinks we should do, and those memories affect and change our internal monologue.
This propaganda is the negative things we say to ourselves as we try to build something epic, something we've seen others do but we know we can do better, or something unique but we’re not sure how others might take it.
It’s propaganda because it’s not true.
Anything you thought could be done can be done.
Anything you think you could do better can be done better.
Anything unique you want to bring to the world deserves to be brought into existence.
Negative self-talk propaganda can’t be destroyed; it can’t be killed and buried like we all wish it could.
It exists, and we have to deal with it every day for as long as we live – no amount of therapy will get rid of it.
The way to deal with negative self-talk propaganda is simple:
Negative self-talk propaganda HATES when we take our lives into our own hands, develop our goals, and ship them to the market.
It hates it because it can’t do anything about the persistent effort we give to a singular endeavor.
If you think you should quit, if you think it might not work, if you think it’s stupid…do it anyway.
Go to work.
You’ll find (very quickly) the negative self-talk propaganda fades….
At least for a time.
As with everything worth doing, the Enemy will always be there to try and break us down.
Don’t let it.
Instigate your life’s work.
Continue reading Part 3: THE ENEMY DEFINED (PART 3: THE COMMANDING GENERAL OF THE ENEMY)
“there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things…” [Niccolo Machiavelli]
The instigator is the first to break the old by leading the new.
The instigator is the first to jump out of the helicopter; the first onto the beach; the first into the fray.
The instigator duels with order and dances with uncertainty.
The Art of Instigating is about taking the lead, not in spite of uncertainty, but because of it; it’s about doing the difficult thing not in spite of the difficulties, but because of them; it’s about daring greatly not in spite of the perils, but because things are perilous.
The instigator doesn’t dare anything in spite – he only dares because.
Don't miss the release of my upcoming book, The Art of Instigating; subscribe here.
What separates the instigator from 99.9% of society?
It's not being the smartest - plenty of entrepreneurs and artists will freely admit they're not the sharpest tools in the shed.
It's not connections - there are plenty of people with connections that never go on to do anything great.
It's not luck - plenty of people get lucky and throw it all away (stories of lottery winners going bankrupt come to mind).
No, what separates the instigators from the rest is much harder than any of that:
In a combat zone, the "wire" is a reference to the perimeter of an operating base or outpost. If you're inside the wire, you're often surrounded by friendly forces, gate guards, walls, and concertina wire. For survival's sake, inside the wire is the place you want to be.
Instigators, starters, and leaders step outside the wire.
They understand the danger and they accept the risk. When they step outside the wire, they are stepping into the unknown - there are no guarantees of success and there is a very real possibility of failure.
They are fully exposed.
The instigator understands that if it wasn't risky, there'd be no payoff:
"If everything is known and certain, that means it's all been done before." - Uncertainty
Recognizing the unknown is the instigator's greatest asset.
When you step outside the wire often enough, you will make contact with the enemy.
For the instigator, the enemy takes many forms: critics, naysayers, unhelpful advice from people inside the wire, superficial support from friends and family, and worst of all: your own negative thoughts (self-talk, status-quo propaganda).
Instigators know that when things get gamey, they need to stay calm and collected, and transform their fear into fuel for the fight:
"The ability not only to endure but to invite, amplify, and exalt uncertainty, then reframe it as fuel is paramount to your ability to succeed as a creator. Visionary innovation and creativity cannot happen when every variable, every outcome, every permutation is known and has been tested and validated in advance.” - Uncertainty
Instigators know that the middle of a battle is not the time to question why they’re doing what they do. It is at these moments when it is most important to buckle down and do the work.
Followers respond.
Leaders make choices.
Making a choice is one of the hardest, most uncomfortable and most unnatural things we can do as human beings. Making a choice – ANY choice – is psychological warfare:
“It’s not because it’s easy, it’s not because it’s trivial, it’s not because we don’t care. It’s the opposite. It’s because we care, it’s difficult, and it’s complex – and it’s so complex that we don’t know what to do, and because we have no idea what to do, we just pick whatever it was that was chosen for us.” - Dan Ariely
The instigator understands this weakness in others and recognizes it as an opportunity to lead.
It takes real courage to start something from scratch.
It takes bravery to step foot into the unknown of creation.
Trying to capture the elusive and ephemeral images from your imagination so you can put them on paper in such a way as to elicit a meainingful reaction from the reader is hard (way harder than sideline critics realize).
Trying to build a sustainable business that improves the world (your world, meaning your clients, your customers, and your community), while simultaneously affording you a healthy living is hard.
Trying to create and lead an organization is hard.
It’s hard, but the instigator chooses to do the hard thing anyway.
“The warrior knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment and – sometimes – with just a touch of madness.” - Warrior of the Light
What separates the instigator from 99.9% of society?
Instigators do the things that scare them.
What have you done recently that scared you? Share your comments below.